Blog on favorite quote from reading...

I think my favorite quote from any assigned reading is from my book repot on ZAMM...“You look at where you're going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you've been and a pattern seems to emerge."

I think this quote is great in that we never quite know where we are going to end up, but if we think about it, there is an ebb and flow to the world... We end up where we are always meant to, but furthermore, we end up in places that sort of make sense. I think this quote goes back to the idea of time, and how in many ways it is immaterial. Our past and present are always intersecting and weaving in and out of each other... I think the key is to know when to close a chapter and to move on, and sometimes the themes or characters in the last chapter cross over into the next... And sometimes they stay right where they are and are meant to. I think everything happens for a reason in our life, and when you look back things connect in ways that they were always supposed to, and you can feel this and know it... This quote by Robert Pirsig, above all, seems to suggest that. We do not need to know what our future holds in store for us, we just need to keep moving forward a few steps at a time, and eventually we will get to the place that we were always meant to end up and the place that we always wanted to be.

Blog on Dreams and Inward Journeys

Dreams and Inward Journeys was a book that helped my writing, and how I tapped into my writing, immensely. All of the stories were hugely formative, but for some reason the one that sticks with me is Stephen King's. He may be the most famous writer within the book, but I do not think that is why... For some reason I have very vivid dreams, and they stick with me, oftentimes for long periods. Stephen King wrote about this very thing, and how he applied it to his writing. I believe that this was the most formative thing that I read in the book, because much of my writing this semester was from my life, but in a way my dreams also influenced the things I wrote about, and the fears that I have, as well as the hope that I have for my future. Stephen King wrote about all of these dreams he had as a child and how many of them stuck with him to provide the basis and the ideas for entire novels. This is incredible, as some people do not have dreams that are consistently that vivid and alive within their subconscious, but I know that I do. Stephen King's essay on how dreams influence his writing has been very important in the writing that I have done since. When I have a fear that manifests itself in a dream, I try to write about it and release it in a way... I want it out of me so I can move forward, fearless and truly alive... Stephen King's story has allowed me to do just that. Our dreams, I believe, often tell us something, and it can be something incredibly important or it can be nothing at all, but they always say something about where we are at in our lives... If we can channel this, we can identify things and truths within us that we otherwise could not have... Stephen King understands this, and now that I do, it will be apart of my writing, always.

Blog on Stafford book

William Stafford's book shows the truth that exists within him in an incredible way. William Stafford is so understated, but in it, he is brilliant. You can see when he speaks, and you can read in his writing, how cerebral he is... But where a lot of writers fail is that they are incredible cerebral, but they are a wallflower, just observing every thing and not participating in life... They end up writing about the death of life within life, but Stafford does not do this. William Stafford is immensely intelligent, but he is also always apart of life in a physical and very spiritual way. Stafford's poetry always shows this.
I think the most interesting part about William Stafford's writing is his connection to the spiritual realm that exists within life... Somehow he is in touch with the truth in the world and you can tell that he may not totally understand it, but he feels it and he knows it is there. I remember when we watched the video on him talking about this boy who had gotten lost in the Northwest Woods, and no one could find him, and there was a great probability that he was dead... What was beautiful is that he wrote that the child had just gone home, as there is no separation between the earth and ourselves. He felt the spiritual connection, and somehow understood it as well, that exists within our lives. We are connected to our world, and we were always meant to be, and our world is connected to us. The energy we have as humans is not separate from the energy in all of the world... And being in sync with that is one of the most important things we can understand from this life.
William Stafford did not have to be a Bukowski or Hemingway type, his personality was understated, but he understood and comprehended things that most people could never understand or even recognize... Stafford writes about the beauty that exists within our lives, that most people miss in so many ways. I think William Stafford should have a greater recognition for his work, and I hope that he always has it.

Extra Credit Blog: Zen And The Art of Moving On

For the longest time I longed for New York. I longed for its cold, its quiet and the warmth of the fire place in the winter. I missed my Victorian Era house and its view.

It was home and it was all that I knew. When I went back in December, after breathing the warm Phoenix air for six months, I was elated. The joy of seeing friends and family and my old home was incredible, yet it faded quickly as people realized I was not the same, and as I realized that home was not the same. I drove around my small town, bored, longing for punk rock clubs and record stores. Unable to find anything I could relate to, except for my best friend, we left for New York City. 

We drove to the train station in Poughkeepsie, where we were both born, and left. Believing that there was something better on the east coast than what we had always known. 

After an hour and a half, we stepped into Manhattan and made our way to Greenwich Village. In a way I was looking for what I had left behind, and my future. As we walked into the bar that once sat Jack Kerouac and Bob Dylan, somehow I knew I would get older and it would be ok. 

We came back from the city, I said my goodbyes to my best friends, which I have gotten very good at doing and I left. I came back to the city of Phoenix, and for the longest time I longed for the comfort of home again... Until one night in a club in Tucson. 

For some reason, at the Congress Club in Tucson, amongst the waves of punches in my back and the ringing in my ears; I woke up and I moved on. When I was younger I played guitar constantly, and I still did, but I only had an acoustic guitar, after selling my two electrics a couple years earlier because I knew I'd be on the road for a while. All of the sudden the crashing of bodies, the tinnitus, and the wall of sound from the electric guitars playing root notes with fifth intervals, made me believe in rock and roll again. I came home, bought a record player and began collecting records... Then I went out and bought another electric guitar, amplifier, and I picked it up like I had never put it down. I was passionate about something again, and I was ready to move on, wherever I was. For some reason that guitar made me want to go to the west coast, again... It reminded me of all the reasons I moved to the West Coast in the first place... The warm air and the cool night breeze and the promise of new nights, in a new place, with new love. 

I realized that I was ready to finally move on, and was done mourning the loss of New York. For better or worse, this is home... And I am proud to say, since accepting this, I've found a job, I've seen places in the city that I have never... I've met new people... And I met a girl. I barely know her, and that's alright, but somewhere in her and in me is the potential or the promise of future nights thinking of her and not longing for New York. 

The semester is ending, and in this semester I have learned a lot. I think the most important thing I have learned though, is that as cliched as it may be... Life is short and New York will always be there, but my life will not be. And I believe, and I know, for as many fateful events in life, we make a conscious choice to live fully each morning when we wake up... And when we go in search of life, it looks for us, too... And sometimes it saves us. 

 

Evaluation of Semester and Writing Process:

This semester was incredible in a lot of ways for me, and in a huge way this class changed me, immensely. I wrote about things that I have not touched on in a long time, and in a way it helped me to move on from my past and move forward with my future in the warm West Coast Sun. So for that, I thank you, Professor Mathes, as much of that is due to you.
Truthfully, when I started the class I was very guarded, and the walls that I put up were immense and I think impossible to break down, which made it impossible for me to connect with people in the way that I truly wanted to. I still longed to be back in New York and could not fully embrace the fact that I had escaped from the dark and the cold of a small town in Upstate New York, and I had made it out like I always wanted to. This class helped me to realize that, and it helped me to realize that life is a beautiful journey that we need to embrace and hold on to for as long as we can, as life is short, as cliched as that line has become.
The writing process for me is simple, but the impossible immenseness in its simplicity is incredible. The most important part of writing for me is trying to get to the truth... It is trying to get to my core, unguarded so I can reach out to my reader, and have them relate to that universal emotion that I am feeling underneath everything else. This is difficult in person, as I think my walls prevent me from saying how I really feel, and this class allowed me to say how I really feel, and I was able to bring that into my everyday life. Because of this class, I have been able to just be myself, and the most confident version of myself, because I know that I have experienced extraordinary things, and have been scarred numerous times, but they are all real and they are all worth talking about to be able to move forward.
I think in many ways this class gave me courage that I did not have before it, because it gave me the courage to say what I felt, and to absolutely mean it. I hope that came across in my writing. Without this class I am not sure that I would be the person I am right now. And when a change is that incredible and that palpable and occurs in one semester, I think that really says something about not just the student, but the teacher as well. Professor Mathes, your questions and your assignments that made us find the truth within ourselves, has made me a better person, and a happier one... So thank you for everything this semester.

Philadelphia Eagles: 2013 NFL Draft

The Philadelphia Eagles enter the 2013 NFL Draft with the 4th overall pick. By many, they are considered the most intriguing team going into the draft as at number 4 overall they can essentially take anyone they want, or potentially trade down for more draft picks. Chip Kelly as the new head coach also adds to the intrigue as no one can pinpoint his style as an NFL coach in the draft. Chip Kelly is a rookie Head Coach out of Oregon, and during his tenure in Oregon his teams were polarizing. Both his offense and defense were incredible, but it was his offense, that put up incredible points per game, that stood out. Therefore, Chip Kelly could take a quarterback for the future, as there seems to be no clear starter on the Philadelphia Eagles at the position. Many mock drafts have Chip Kelly taking Geno Smith at number 4 overall, and I would not disagree with this pick, but I am not sold that it will happen. Geno Smith has all of the tools to become a very successful Quarterback in the NFL, however, many of his mechanics have been questioned, as well as his consistency at West Virginia. In my opinion, I would not scoff at this pick at number 4, as I believe Geno Smith could potentially lead this team in the future, and I would hate to pass up that chance as any pick, to be candid, is a risk.
As we move closer to the draft on Thursday night, many draft experts have the Eagles taking an offensive or defensive lineman. An offensive lineman would be understandable, however, I think this is an unwise selection as offensive lineman are fairly deep in this year's draft, and we could draft a quality offensive lineman in a later round. A Defensive lineman would be a terrible choice, as we have drafted numerous defensive lineman over the years in the first round, and though we drafted them for a 4-3 defense, not a 3-4, they have impeccable talent and drafting them did not fill the vacancies in the defensive secondary.
Personally, I think at number 4 the Eagles have a great opportunity to fill many vacancies in the first and second round if they trade their pick. I think the eagles should trade out of the number 4 position, pick up Geno Smith later in the 1st round, and draft cornerback and offensive line talent on the second day of the draft. The Eagles need, desperately, help in the secondary. They did add some pieces in free agency, but there are still question marks next to them all. Therefore, the first selection they should take is Geno Smith, and in the second round and third round, attempt to pick up a Cornerback or Safety and hopefully A Tight End somewhere.
Frankly, the Eagles are in a great position in this year's draft, but we need players that will change the dynamic of this team for years to come under the new Head Coach. The Eagles need impact players, but I think they should take a quarterback early, as there is a good chance that the Eagles will not have this high of a draft pick in the coming year. The Eagles can save this team on Thursday night, as it all starts with the NFL draft, but they can not waste the pick that they have at number 4. One man will not answer all the question marks on the offensive and defensive side of the ball.

Descriptive Blog on Place

Revolver Records is a hole in the wall on Roosevelt. I spend far too much time and money there, but the warmth and the timelessness in their collection of vinyl is astounding. For some reason when I am there, I am reminded that I am in a better place than I was growing up, and that for now, this desert, this sun, and this city is home... And that is alright. I long for New York, but I know I will miss this record store. The walls are dark, and the rows and shelves of vinyl are dusty. The best records have water damaged covers and the black disks are flawless. On each one is an orange sticker naming the price and five dollars for not just music, but for a warmth of a different time in the way it was meant to be heard is priceless. The other day I picked up Led Zeppelin I which is almost impossible to find and I couldn't wait to bring it home and sit next to my record player and just listen to the wailing of Jimmy Page's guitar and Robert Plant's voice the way they were meant to be heard. Alive. Revolver Records is alive somehow, and it is spiritual in a way that I can not really comprehend but I can feel. Like it is all connected, somehow, and that in there, we are all connected. Bonded by a very different medium in a different time. Analog guys and girls in a digital world.

Open Blog

Yesterday I turned twenty. I know, realistically that that is very young, but what I keep thinking about is how fast it has gone by. Twenty years went incredibly fast and that is a fair chunk of time within a human life, and its like the first chapter, my adolescence is gone and I am in some way entering the second phase of life. Somewhere within that, too, I am also thinking of my teenage heroes and what they were doing at this age. For some reason what comes to mind is that Kurt Cobain was only seven years older than I am now when he died. When you're younger twenty seven feels like a lot of years lived, especially if you're a rock star, but... It isn't. In no way do I envision that I will have completed all the goals of my life by age twenty seven and this realization is immense. I know, too, that twenty is a number and yesterday was just another day, but for some reason it just is not. For some reason I feel like a chapter of my life has ended and in a very strong way, I feel relieved by that. Yet at the same time, the future and the unknown is frightening. Most importantly though, I want to make sure that as I enter the second phase of my life, if one can call it that... That I do every single thing that I want to do before it is too late. I want to explore the depths of who I am, and I want freedom and exploration, but I also want to feel connection. I want the warm breath of sun that is love and I believe that somehow it is all connected and this is the time to find it and fight for it. I am no longer a teenager, I am in the first days of the rest of my life and all that I fight for. So I promise my twenty year old self, and my future self that I will always love fiercely, and fight for whatever I want and along the way I will help and inspire a few people and in that I will find strength.

Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I first read ZAMM when I was in high school and upon reading it, it opened up this flood of ideas and emotions that up until then, I had thought of, and felt, but had not seen on paper. I always asked the question, and continue to, to this day, whether living in the moment, or constantly questioning, is the best way to live. Pirsig's philosophical novel helped me to discover that perhaps the two ways of living do not need to be independent of one another, however they should both be used when appropriate as to live the fullest life that is possible. Underlying every single thing in Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is the question, "How do you live the best life possible before you die?" Furthermore, Pirsig is constantly questioning what is our place on this Earth? He's asking the oldest question, "What does it all mean?"
I decided to read this book again, because the philosophical notions are not something you read once and then put back on your shelf to not view again. The Questions Robert Pirsig asks are immense, and the way you view them constantly shifts as you age. I look at the questions he raises far differently as a twenty year old, than I did as a seventeen year old, and I'm sure if I pick this book up at age twenty-five or thirty, I will again look at things differently. What is incredible, and timeless about this book, are the questions Robert Pirsig asks. The questions have existed for years, and how we view them changes as we age. ZAMM also serves to remind us not to lose focus on things that are not important, as at the end of the day, whether you live a Romantic lifestyle or a Classical one, or a mixture of the two, you are still living a conscious life, and it seems that that is the most important gift one can give to their self. Life is not something permanent, and it is truly, very short and there are no guarantees that there is anything after we die, and therefore it is important to live each day to its fullest and find Zen in the everyday activities. As humans, we have to live in the moment, Romantically and Classically, and appreciate that moment, as it is all that we have.
This book is incredible in that it is not only a classic piece of literature and philosophy, but the ideas it discusses were so groundbreaking during the time. It discusses mental illness, an incredibly taboo subject, and discusses the idea of how to live the best possible life, and how to find the eternal, universal truths in our lives in a time where Richard Nixon was about to end his tenure as president. This book is about the search for the eternal truth of our life, and the best way to live and I think the concepts are that simple, and in their simplicity they tear down the barriers that are in our minds.

On Revising Writing

I am terribly judgemental of myself. My motto is usually "Live and let live" for everyone else, but not myself. This is reflected, and magnified in my writing process. I can sit and write something, meaningless, an essay for most classes in fifteen minutes. However, when it comes to creative writing, in which I am the Author with all original ideas, I put it off, always, until the last minute. I know that as soon as I sit to write something, I will obsess over it until the job is done. Hemingway said that all there was to writing was to sit at the typewriter and "bleed", but I'm not sure it is or ever will be that simple. Maybe it is, though.
For me, revising is difficult, as it takes time. To revise a piece that I have written, I need to be able to view it with objective, fresh eyes. I'll write something, and if I have the time, wait a few days, or maybe even a week, and view it again. The only problem with this, is if you are too far removed from the piece you have written, it is hard to be in the same mind-set, so you can end up tearing the entire piece apart until it looks nothing like the original piece, and the point that you were striving for in the first place is seemingly gone. So often, I just write, I steam my concious together as best as I can and hope something comes out of it, and if it does, excellent, and if it doesn't, well then, I guess I will just have to write again. There is a balance, for me, to revising, and that is, I often write in a very stream of concious style, however, I am constantly trying to be concise with the words I choose to put on the page. It is a constant balance, and I think one can go crazy trying to analyze what they write, so I try not to. In a way, I believe your words need to be allowed to live in the world you put them in. Therefore, I think too much editing and revising can destroy the initial word you created, and at some point it is worth it to get up and stop banging away at the keyboard. Then, start again until you get it right... And maybe, some of us will never get it right, but we don't, always need to make poetry with words on a page. Some of us are poets at everything we do, and that's good enough. But, if it isn't, then I think we should keep writing, always, until it says everything in the blank page's infinite way.

You Can't Go Home Again

I read On The Road when I was seventeen. Until that point, I knew I wanted to write, I knew I wanted to travel, and I knew I wanted to live, but, in a way, I didn't know how. I didn't know what it even meant to live, truly and deliberately. Kerouac's words changed everything. I'm writing this as, I suppose, an add on to my second paper, based off of trips that have changed us. In a way, it is hard to envision my life the way it is, without that novel, and Kerouac's narration on his own experiences as he traveled from New York to all over the West Coast.      "I like too many things and get all confused and hung up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anbody except my own confusion." When I read this line, I knew this is what I wanted, in a way. I wanted to be on the road, and I wanted freedom, I wanted moments that I would carry forever.
Two years, later, though, I can say that there is a price to pay for those memories. There are consequences to not truly having a singular home. I long for it all the time. I long for a place to call my own, that will be my foundation. It's hard to have lasting relationships always traveling, as well, as the strain of miles often tears them apart. I am always leaving, as soon as I land someplace. It makes for many long nights, with phonecalls revolving around the same question, "When will I see you, again?" And I never have a concrete answer. There are consequences to the choices we make, I just hope that where we end up is where we were always meant to be.